she introduced herself as a writer, everytime. i introduced myself as my name. she was, probably still is, a writer. i thought maybe i could be too. i thought wrong. i was never going to be a writer.

i was just going to be someone who used too many self related personal pronouns.

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"sometimes" is my favourite word. sometimes i thought myself big, sometimes i thought myself more. now though, now i'm sure that i'm just another breteastonellischild, too stupid and selfish to say what i'm thinking, too wannabe masochistic to actually ever change anything. too proud of my wasted youth and inelegance.

sometimes i wonder if i came back a little shattered, or if i was always cracked before i went. i know i'm not an easy person, but i wonder when i've gotten a kevlarcoating without noticing. i don't know if i can get it off, and i don't know who else would want to try.

and sometimes i think that all of this is the biggest joke..